Special dedication to my dear friend, Bessie.
I've noticed that my jeans fit better; I've been getting a lot more compliments on my figure; and apparently, my skin has a glow! What!? AWESOME!
Since this is the third and final week on the detox (not counting the after-detox phase) I'm suppose to undergo more changes. The author says that if I need motivation I should look to my friends and family for support- well, sorry mom, but "want me to make some chocolate cookies?? want me to make some apple pie? want me to give you some potatoes to take with you?" isn't support! Yeah, yeah, I know the chocolate cookies were supposed to be gluten-free, mom, but the sugars and starches weren't detox friendly- love you though!?
My father also keeps telling me to just stop the detox now "You've done it long enough, just stop now, no?" He's hilarious. "It's a THREEEEEEE week detox, dad!!! THREEE!"
Maybe I'll have better luck with my friends.
What else?
Oh yes, I should be feeling the natural high that comes with detoxification (yeah, I suppose I feel pretty good. I can't say I'm super energetic anymore.. I was during the first week, but I think I simmered down now); my skin should glow (why yes, yes it does - ah thank-you); my clothes should be a little looser (check), and friends should be asking me if I just came back from vacation (not exactly, but vacation is definitely on all our minds).
You know, after doing this detox for three weeks, spending time cooking and preparing the food, avoiding the things I used to binge on, not drinking any alcohol, and incorporating more yoga and exercise into my life, I'm beginning to think that my friend Bessie was on to something when she asked "Do you get an honorary friendship card from Gwyneth once you complete the program?"
"I am you're friend, from Gwyneth."
Damn you Gwyneth! All this work. Can't we be friends now? C'mon! I'll even say you're good at singing and dancing, I swear !!! No? Fine.
Can I get season tickets to Coldplay, then?
Does it even work like that?
You suck. But I still might buy your cookbook.
I've noticed that my jeans fit better; I've been getting a lot more compliments on my figure; and apparently, my skin has a glow! What!? AWESOME!
Since this is the third and final week on the detox (not counting the after-detox phase) I'm suppose to undergo more changes. The author says that if I need motivation I should look to my friends and family for support- well, sorry mom, but "want me to make some chocolate cookies?? want me to make some apple pie? want me to give you some potatoes to take with you?" isn't support! Yeah, yeah, I know the chocolate cookies were supposed to be gluten-free, mom, but the sugars and starches weren't detox friendly- love you though!?
My father also keeps telling me to just stop the detox now "You've done it long enough, just stop now, no?" He's hilarious. "It's a THREEEEEEE week detox, dad!!! THREEE!"
Maybe I'll have better luck with my friends.
What else?
Oh yes, I should be feeling the natural high that comes with detoxification (yeah, I suppose I feel pretty good. I can't say I'm super energetic anymore.. I was during the first week, but I think I simmered down now); my skin should glow (why yes, yes it does - ah thank-you); my clothes should be a little looser (check), and friends should be asking me if I just came back from vacation (not exactly, but vacation is definitely on all our minds).
You know, after doing this detox for three weeks, spending time cooking and preparing the food, avoiding the things I used to binge on, not drinking any alcohol, and incorporating more yoga and exercise into my life, I'm beginning to think that my friend Bessie was on to something when she asked "Do you get an honorary friendship card from Gwyneth once you complete the program?"
"I am you're friend, from Gwyneth."
Damn you Gwyneth! All this work. Can't we be friends now? C'mon! I'll even say you're good at singing and dancing, I swear !!! No? Fine.
Can I get season tickets to Coldplay, then?
Does it even work like that?
You suck. But I still might buy your cookbook.
I cannot even begin picturing Gwyneth Paltrow cooking. She's in the kitchen banging away at the pots and pans, chopping parsley,washing ripe vine tomatoes, sauteeing some red onions (all organic, kids, RESPECT).....Nah.....not happening. I saw the cover of the cookbook....she seems out of place, in a panic. Here is what is going through her head.
ReplyDelete(Gwyneth) "Ok Gwyneth, you are awesome. You are the best actress, singer and dancer to ever walk the earth. Now act like you know how to cook. Act like food interests you. Come on, smile and make them believe you enjoy cooking. Endorsement pay out in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...."